My girlfriend called her ex (whom I noticed she is more affectionate towards than she is to me and has called him her "queerplatonic partner") "the best person ever" the same day I called her "my favourite person #fml#cucktwt#IwishIhadacheatingfetish
Pull my wallet out at the bar fling it open just for nothing but a condom to fly out and slide down the bar and a middle aged man asks me if I’m paying with cash or condom #fml